Bluetooth or Crazy?

I’ve come up with a new game while I’m walking to my office in downtown St. Louis. It’s “Bluetooth or Crazy?” and you have to guess whether the person seemingly talking to themselves is actually talking to themselves or using a Bluetooth device to talk on their cell phone.

For those who are unfamiliar with Bluetooth, it’s one of these devices, worn on your ear:

It receives your cell phone calls and you can talk hands free. Yesterday, I passed a guy talking and I guessed “Bluetooth.” I was wrong. He was just crazy. I know, I know . . . it’s not politically correct to call people “crazy,” and some might even question my mentioning Bluetooth users in the same sentence as crazy, but I’ve grown so tired of people talking and wondering if they were talking to me, their imaginary friend, or carrying on a conversation via Bluetooth.

While it looks pretty handy, I would be so self conscious using one of these things in public – I would be afraid someone else was playing “Bluetooth or Crazy” and would decide I’m crazy. They may not be too far off the mark, anyway.

Family Court

The boys had an issue tonight (well, Brandon had an issue with Matthew) so we decided to have a court hearing. I swore both the boys in and started questioning. According to Brandon, Matthew was calling him ‘sicko’ repeatedly. Matthew testified that he called him ‘monster’ and ’tissue’, which really didn’t make any sense, so we decided that Matthew continually lied under oath. I think he’s looking at 3 to 5 years. Brandon, while truthful, really had a frivolous lawsuit, so we just dismissed the whole thing and sent them to bed with stern warnings about frivolous suits and lying under oath.

Brandon’s also wanting to draw up a family rules contract and force Matthew to sign it. I told him that Matthew can’t sign a contract yet – he can’t understand it and he’s still a minor – but if he wants to draw up a contract, go ahead and we’ll consider discussing it. Oh, the joys of having a younger sibling.

Scary Smart Kid

Matthew is 3. Well, 3 years and almost 10 months old. Last night, he and I were packing up our DVD collection and he was handing me the DVDs and identifying each one: Dinosaurs (Jurassic Park), Harry Potter, Elmo, Toy Story, etc. you know, ones he can identify by the cover. Then we got to this DVD . . .

. . . and he said, “Chicago.” What? We haven’t watched this DVD in well over a year, and the last time was probably when he was not even around. We don’t discuss this DVD with him. In fact, I don’t ever recall talking about “Chicago” with Matthew at all. How in the world did he know this was a Chicago DVD? I have no clue – and he’s not offering any explanation other than, “That’s a Chicago DVD.”

I am absolutely floored, unless this is a well planned practical joke on Brandon’s part but I don’t think he’s that sophisticated to come up with that kind of parental psychological torture: “Is this just a fluke?” “Is my kid a genius?” “Did we mention this sometime in passing and he just picked it up?” I just have no idea how Matthew knew this was a Chicago DVD. It’s a mystery.

My New Favorite Store

Oh, I could spend so much money in this store, buying containers for all kinds of stuff! The house is in quite a bit of disarray due to the packing thing going on, but I had to show you my new favorite store. I bought padded china-holder things today to pack up the china, and could have spent more time and money in this store, but I had the boys with me and they are the ultimate motivation to get out of a store quickly. Especially a store with lots of glass canisters. Next time, I’ll have to go by myself for some special alone time with all the containers you could possibly imagine!

So Proud!

Violin Concert

Brandon’s violin concert was tonight. He and the rest of the strings performers played very well (as well as you could expect 3rd, 4th and 5th graders to play). We sat through what seemed like 15 versions of the same song by the third graders, 4 French songs from the 4th graders, and some jazzy numbers with the 5th graders and the orchestra teacher on bass in a very hot, un-air conditioned auditorium. Thankfully, the concert was rather brief. Brandon did very well, and actually is talking about playing violin or cello again next year.

If I could find my camera, I would have taken pictures but I can’t find it. I’m sure this weekend when I’m doing some marathon packing, I’ll stumble across it. It’s highly likely that it’s somewhere a three year old would think is a wonderful place for a digital camera. Like the freezer. Or under the bathroom sink. Or at the bottom of his toy box. I’ll let you know when I find it.

My Wednesday Afternoon

4 pm: Arrive home.

4:01: Find bird in house.

4:01 – 4:30: Try to open every window and door, get broom for protection, stay low.

4:30: Can’t find bird anymore; must have flown out window.

4:30 – 4:45: Search house for bird poop.

4:55: Arrive at school to pick up Brandon from violin practice.

4:55 – 5:20: Search all over school for Brandon because he’s not where he’s supposed to be. Alert teachers, custodians, make announcement on intercom, yell into boys bathrooms, “Brandon, are you in there?”

5:21: Discover Brandon on playground of school, swinging. Briefly consider getting the kid a cell phone, but then come to my senses and think a shock collar would be a better investment.

5:22: Threaten Brandon with severe punishment if he ever does that again.

5:23: Call off massive, frantic search of school consisting of the orchestra teacher, the custodian and me.

5:30: Arrive at Daycare to pick up Matthew.

5:31 – 5:45: Matthew’s teacher discusses Matthew’s new problem of not listening in class and continually getting in trouble. Oh, and he’s blaming everything on Brandon.

5:50: Threaten Matthew with severe punishment if he ever does that again.

6:00: Arrive home.

(Sorry, Marissa – you already read this, but I thought it was so good [alright, I’m lazy] I thought I’d post it.)

Blah.

I spent today in bed. The kids at school, Chris went back to work. I was alone in bed, drooling on my pillow the entire day. Sounds wonderful, right? It would be, had it not been for the chills, sore throat and my tongue feeling like I just licked the “fine” side of a cheese grater. Oh, and the electric company decided that today was a wonderful day to trim tree branches on our street and use the wood chipper RIGHT OUTSIDE OUR HOUSE. WOOD CHIPPER.

I can’t really complain, actually, because I’m rather a heavy sleeper. It bothered me from time to time but today was a rather restful day and I am now feeling 55% better. Still having a sore throat. Still having cheese-grater tongue and still having strange rash on the left side of my left hand, but other than that, feeling alright. Maybe I’ll try to go in to work tomorrow and grab some work I can bring home. That way I can work in my PJs and not spread misery and bacteria around the office.

Oh – and I discovered the source of my illness: posted on Matthew’s classroom door today was a notice that someone in his class had been diagnosed with strep throat. Our own little walking contaminant. By the way, he’s fine. Next time we invade a county, I suggest we send in pre-schoolers first, break the enemy down with ear infections, colds and strep throat. Probably more effective than our current strategy in Iraq – don’t you think? Maybe it’s just the antibiotics talking.

Not a Stomach Bug

It’s worse. Strep throat. (Or black throat, if you’re Matthew.) I have not been this miserable in a long, long time. I used to have strep throat ALL the time as a kid, at least once a year, and I just don’t remember it being this bad. Maybe because adults tend to whine more. Or maybe because when I was a kid, I could lay in bed and let Mom wait on me, bring me books to read and green jello to eat. Now I have to make my own green jello. Where’s Chris? Oh, he’s here, and he’s sick, too. He’s brought me medications, Propel Fitness Water and Chloraseptic. Together, though, we’ve been a pretty pathetic, whiny couple.

As an adult, I still have to get up, get the kids ready, entertain them, make sure they aren’t doing anything dangerous; all while trying not to swallow. And I have a fever. This is, officially, the Worst Strep Throat Ever. We still have to do things for the kids – like feed them. Chris and I take turns doing things for the kids, judging by who’s fever is lowest or who hasn’t been physically sick lately.

I went to the doctor today and got some antibiotics, so I should be feeling better by tomorrow. I certainly hope so. The kids haven’t gotten it yet; however, I’m sure it’s just around the corner for them – Matthew will drink anything he can find around the house and I’ve caught him a couple of times trying to drink some Propel from my bottle. He just doesn’t understand the concept of contagion. Although, I highly suspect that he is a likely candidate for being the strep vector that brought this plague upon our house.

Stomach Bug

I started feeling bad yesterday. Aches, general feeling of not-so-good. I spent a rather sleepless night tossing and turning, being too hot, too achy, too uncomfortable. At 5:45 this morning, I knew I was in trouble. This is the first stomach bug I’ve had in probably 20 or 25 years. I hate throwing up. So much so that I had only one small bout of morning sickness during my pregnancies – I hate being sick so much that I willed myself NOT to have morning sickness. (I think. Maybe I just had really good pregnancies. I don’t know.)

Chris was able to get the kids up, dressed and to school on time this morning. He then came home and informed me that he, too, had the stomach virus. Great. That means it’s only a matter of time before Brandon and Matthew come down with it.

I’ve spent the morning resting, nibbling on crackers and sipping water. And spraying every door knob, bathroom fixture, and kitchen surface with Lysol. I hope the kids don’t come down with it. Brandon has his big field trip to Jeff City tomorrow and a second field trip to the courthouse on Friday. He’ll be so upset to miss either of those. Anyway, I’m starting to feel a little bit better, hopefully I’ll make a full recovery in time to take care of the kids.