And Then My Brain Exploded And Leaked Out of My Ear

The other day, we received a phone call at the same time as the pizza man was delivering hot, steamy pizza to our door. I didn’t recognize the number on caller ID, and thinking it could possibly be an offer for a job interview, I answered the phone. It wasn’t job related. It was this:

Computer Caller: Hello, this is United States Representative _________. We are conducting an automated phone survey concerning issues that might be of importance to Missourians. Please listen to the following questions and respond with “yes,” “no” or “repeat.” 

Me: (whispering, trying to get Chris’s attention and listen to the survey) Hey, pizza’s here – can you get the door?

Computer Caller: Are you concerned about the direction of the economy over the past few months?

Me: (To Chris) Can you get the door? (To the phone) Yes.

Computer Caller: Please respond with “yes,” “no” or “repeat.”

Me: Yes!

Chris: Hey, do  you have money for a tip?

Me: (Digging in my pocket.) Maybe.

Computer Caller: Do you favor using tax money to help people struggling with foreclosure?

Chris: I’ll just add it to the total.

Me: (To Chris) That’s fine. (To the phone) Repeat?

Computer Caller: Do you favor using tax money to help people struggling with foreclosure?

Me: Um, depends?

Computer Caller: Presidents John F. Kennedy, Ronald Reagan and George W. Bush . . .

Matthew: Yea! Pizza’s here!

At that point, my brain exploded at hearing GWB’s name in the same sentence as JFK’s. I completely didn’t hear the rest of the question, but I think it had to do with taxes, maybe, or the Internets or the Google or something like that. I finally gathered myself together and was about to start shouting NO NO NO into the phone (I mean, come on, what else could I answer – NO NO NO has been my feeling about GWB all along) when this happened . . .

Computer Caller: Thank you for your time. Your answers will be helpful blah blah blah.

I then realized that there had been enough background noise to register some answer to that final question; I just don’t know what the computer heard – did it register a ‘yes’ perhaps? I don’t know for sure, but I have a sinking feeling that the chaos at pizza delivery time contributed to the continuing downward spiral known as the United States’ political landscape.

I hate political surveys and especially dislike being hit up in parking lots to sign some petition to “get something on the ballot.” Saturday, at Trader Joe’s, there were people in the parking lot trying to get signatures for a wind power initiative. I told him I would think about it while I shopped (although I didn’t, because Trader Joe’s is so awesome that you only think about the food and the prices while you’re there). Of course, he was gone when I came out of the store with 5 pounds of shelled edamame ($1.49 a pound!), 2 bags of sweet potato chips, three different kinds of fish and a cache of their yummy pudding, so I was kind of relieved. I really like to read the whole initiative before I support something because too often, they tell you it’s a ‘wind power initiative’ and don’t tell you about the section allowing the clubbing baby seals or the drilling for oil on top of Mount Rushmore.


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