Cardinals Opening Day – King James Version

On the last day of the third month, the men of summer game came forth, lo, the Cardinals and the Rockies came forth, to partake of summer game frivolity. And on that day, in the 16th hour of the day, the heavens opened up and brought forth sheets of water, falling to the ground as if to wash away the disappointment of last season; and lo, the players’ leather gloves and wooden bats quickly became damp and slippery. Yet the Cardinals persevered and crossed over the plate of home five times.

And the rain continued, for forty minutes and forty minutes longer, and the thunder echoed throughout the land and the lightening illuminated the sky. The people assembled to observe the game of summer became damp and cold and they shivered. Verily, the people were cold to the bone. And they cried out, “Where is shelter? Will the rulers of the game of summer delay the game until the morrow? And if so, shall I return without paying additional fares to enter?”

And the rulers of the game of summer gathered together to confer on the continuation of the frivolity. The rulers observed the sacred radar and called forth yon weather-foretellers and yon weather-foretellers spoke of long lasting rain coming forth from the west. And the rulers of the game then called together the men of summer and told them, “The people are indeed weary and damp, yet they stay to watch Pujols and they hope for more home runs. Yea, they stay even to their detriment and soon will catch their death of the cold.” And the men of summer said, “We will again gather together tomorrow, in the 19th hour of the day, so the people can go to their homes and dry off. And on the morrow, we will partake of frivolity again.”

And so the Cardinals and the Rockies adjourned, to begin the frivolity again on the morrow, the first day of the fourth month of the year. And the people planned to return to their homes and apartments and condos and warm themselves with dry clothes and they did not fear the lightening and threat of electrocution. The people were satisfied and hopeful for more game-playing in the warm months of the year.

The people then rose up and said, “Go Cards!” And all was well.


3 Responses

  1. Nicely done!

  2. You are so creative! I did not get that gene!

  3. GREAT!

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