Personal Statement

I’m still trying to figure out what I want to do when I grow up, I guess, as I am now applying to go even further in debt for a specialized law degree. See, what most people don’t realize is that law school teaches you NOTHING about being a lawyer. You go to school, you’re terrorized by the professors, you learn a bunch of generalized law and how to argue both sides of an issue, then they give you a degree and tell you to go forth and practice. To be honest, a typical law grad hasn’t the first clue about what he/she is doing.

I think medical school has it right when they force you to actually go do the stuff you’re supposed to know. I mean, who wants an obstetrician who just completed medical school and hasn’t even been in a delivery room? Do you want to be the first patient? A lot of law students never get to do anything real inside a courtroom until they’ve graduated and actually have a case. Law school gives you an opportunity to practice, but you have to go out, find your own internship and hope it’s productive. Oh, and they put limits on how much you can work while you’re in school. They make it as difficult as possible.

Anyway, I have to write a personal statement for the application process. It’s the typical personal statement stuff: why do you want to go into this field, why should we pick you, etc. I have been agonizing over this statement for a while, almost too long, and really all I want to write is the following:

“I want a degree from your school because I’m not from St. Louis and didn’t go to high school here, so my resume gets passed over for people who actually went to high school here. Therefore, I want a St. Louis school on my resume and since I can’t go enroll at a local high school, your school will do.”

St. Louis is a great big small town. I do like St. Louis, by the way, just not the high school snobbery. And if you think I’m kidding or exaggerating: I’m not. I once was trying to get a case settled and I had an agreement drawn up, signed and ready to be approved by the judge. Unfortunately, the judge found out the claimant went to the same high school he did and they had a nice little reunion right there at the bench. Then he told me my settlement wasn’t good enough, and I had to go back to square one with negotiations. Just because they went to the same high school. (At least, that’s what I believe. I thought the settlement was very fair.)

I wonder if that would actually pass for a personal statement. I bet the admissions committee would get a kick out of that one. Although, it might be a little insulting if all of them went to high school here and got hired because of that. I am so tempted to do it, though.

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One Response

  1. I understand completely. A couple times lately I’ve been asked to write a personal statement or short bio for something or another. I want to say, “Easily annoyed by idiots and ass holes, and usually over-loaded with insanely strong coffee, I actually do own a cricket bat and am more than willing to use it on said idiots and ass holes if needed. I really am a bastard – a title I wear with pride. If you need shit to just ‘get done’ let me know and I’ll make sure it gets done, even if I have to employ a ‘creative solution’ through verbal, physical, and/or psychological abuse of idiots (they don’t really count as people anyway, do they?).”

    Somehow, however, I don’t think this is the kind of response people are looking for from me. Too bad, because their reactions would amuse me greatly.

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