Would You Like A Side of Sugar With That Sugar?

The other day, I gave Matthew a dollar to spend at the store. I was hoping to hold his purchase hostage and force him to be good while we’re shopping, but I’m only deluding myself – “good” is relative and as long as he doesn’t set off a fire alarm or cause Homeland Security to storm the building, I’m happy. Of course, he decided to spend his money at the candy aisle, picking out a candy that gives you two solid sugar sticks and three flavored powdered sugars to dip them in – lick the candy, dip it in sugar and enjoy. Fingers work equally well, Matthew found out. The candy would probably be equivalent to 100 pixie sticks, concentrated and injected straight into his blood stream.

Anyway, by the time we got home, Matthew was talking rapidly and in all caps like this: MOM I’M HUNGRY. CAN I GET A TOY AT WALGREENS? WHERE’S OUR CAR? DO YOU WANT TO PLAY PIRATES WITH ME? WHEN ARE WE GOING TO EAT? CATCH SPIDERMAN WITH HIS HAND IN THE COOKIE JAR! (This phrase is a line from Spiderman 3, which Matthew can quote from start to finish.) MAMA! WHAT’S THAT? WHY IS GREEN GOBLIN BAD? IS SPIDERMAN GOOD? WHY IS VENOM BAD? As the sugar rush intensified, it became just random strings of super-hero stuff: CARNAGE! VENOM! WHY? SPIDERMAN SUIT! WHAT? IWANTTOKNOWWHYSPIDERMAN’SHANDWASINACOOKIEJAR!

I immediately regretted the purchase of the sugar-filled snack, especially since Matthew was in a constant state of movement. A few minutes later, I caught him in the kitchen, on top of the counter, with a glass and the filtered water pitcher. He had taken what little remained of the apple-flavored sugar (it was green, of course) and had mixed it with about half a glass of water. And floating on top of the green water were 4 Goldfish crackers.

I asked him what he was doing and he insisted the mixture was for the dog. (I guess he’s already learning criminal techniques: When caught with an illegal substance always deny ownership.) I looked at Binki and she gave me this look: “don’t look at me . . . I wasn’t the genius who bought the candy.”

I can’t imagine that he thought Goldfish crackers would taste good in apple-flavored water, but who knows how the sugar-induced mania had affected his little brain. I’m just glad I caught him before he subjected poor Binki to any taste tests. Binki is glad, too.

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4 Responses

  1. Lic Sticks was one of my faves when I was a child! I would still eat it today!

  2. Thats really funny. I had a craving for that exact candy the other day. I looked for it everywhere in Hoboken to no avail. I finally found at the Hess gas station, who knew? Matthew has some good tastes. Although Im not so sure about the goldfish part of the drink!

  3. I came home to that same child this afternoon. No Lick Sticks here just sugar with more sugar.

  4. Well, you caught him with his hand in the cookie jar!

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