Driving in Missoura

I have to go to Cape Girardeau tomorrow. I have heard that some people call that area “Missoura.” Evidently, St. Louis/Kansas City areas are “Missouri” and anywhere else in the state is “Missoura.” Certainly, there are huge differences in the areas, but it seems to be enough that the locals have invented a new state to convey the idea. We live in “Missouri.” Tomorrow I’ll be in “Missoura.”

You can always tell when you leave the greater St. Louis area by the change in the interstate billboards. In St. Louis, the billboards are generally advertisements for banks, cable TV services, autos, shows/concerts/events. Occasionally there will be a political billboard followed closely by its rival position. For example, a stem cell research amendment is on the ballot here in November (supporting funding for stem cell research), so there’s a pro-stem cell research billboard with one closely behind it alleging that rampant cloning will take place soon after if the amendment passes. But all in all, the political billboards are kind of balanced.

The farther out you go, the balance of political views change. On my way to Cape Girardeau tomorrow I will most likely see the following billboards:

1. A billboard with the Ten Commandments. All of them. I think it was pretty much a waste of money, because when I drive by at 70 miles per hour, I can’t read all of the Ten Commandments; there’s too many words in too small print on the billboard. Luckily, I know where I can look them up.

2. Pro-Life billboards every mile or so. Now, there’s nothing wrong with pro-life billboards. But they are EVERYWHERE in Missouri outside of the metro area, especially in southern Missouri. However, I do not see ANY anti-death penalty billboards, which I think you should have if you’re really “pro-life.” Otherwise, if you’re for the death penalty, you’re not really “pro-life” now, are you? I have a problem with the people who call themselves “pro-life” and who support the death penalty, because if every life is precious, then why do they support the death penalty? Sorry . . . I’m kind off the subject now, aren’t I? That’s another topic for another day.

3. A billboard with the phrase: “Who’s the Daddy DNA Testing” I’m not kidding. This billboard doesn’t seem to jive with the other ethical messages of the previous billboards, but nonetheless, there it is.

4. Some type of NRA/Second Amendment billboard, ’cause ya gotta have a gun to protect yourself, ya know. Seriously – nothing wrong with having a gun, either. I grew up in the south. Chris grew up in Texas. Everybody had a gun. (OK, I’m exaggerating a little — not everybody, but a lot of people.) But I never heard of any kids taking guns to school or playing with them and accidentally shooting each other. The problem is the wrong people having guns. Like children and crazy people and seemingly-sane people who suddenly go crazy and criminals and people who can’t see well and those who don’t have adequate gun-safety education and people who have no ability to aim a gun and those who are quick to overreact and those people who have little to no common sense. Again, that’s another topic for another day . . .

Anyway, there’s not much between St. Louis and Cape Girardeau to entertain me. No good radio stations, no major towns or exciting scenery. Although I did see a camel once in a pen at some farm just north of Cape Girardeau. I saw it the first time I drove down and haven’t seen it since. I ‘m hoping I really saw the camel and I’m not losing my mind, but that’s certainly a possibility.


One Response

  1. In case the camel was a hallucination, and you really are losing your mind: Please, please, PLEASE turn in your guns. The life you save may be mine.

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