Random Moments of Panic

The bar results come out on Wednesday, and already I’m suffering from fleeting moments of panic. To add to that, I have a job offer on the table at a place where I’d really like to work. Downtown law firm, family friendly, not-too-shabby salary, bonuses. What happens if I don’t pass the bar? I don’t even want to think about it. I tell myself that it will be all right; we have enough cash in reserves to get us through to the next bar exam. But I was really hoping to use that money elsewhere. Like paying down debt or a down payment on a house.

I keep throwing up mental prayers just to remind God that I’m still here, waiting. “Throwing up” is probably a more than appropriate phrase. I imagine wrapping prayers up and tossing them into the sky, like baseballs. Well, underhanded, so that would be softballs. Anyway, you get the mental picture, right?

So here I am, waiting, hoping for Wednesday to come quickly to end the waiting stress. There’s no end to stress, is there? Just when one ends, another begins. If I pass, there will be new job stress. If I fail there will be failure stress, money stress, regret and embarrassment. Is there such a thing as a stress free life? I don’t think so.


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