Happy Second Birthday Matthew!

Today is your second birthday Matthew! We sometimes joke that it’s lucky you’ve made it this far, what with all the hours of screaming early on and the fearless diving off of furniture you do. I’m amazed that’s its been two years since you arrived. It seems like a few days ago. It also seems like a century ago. Your first two years happened to coincide with some very turbulent times in our lives, and one day I’ll tell you about it. When you’re older. Don’t ask me when older is, I’ll let you know.

Right now, you and Brandon are sitting in your dad’s HORRIBLE recliner (I hate it with a passion one rarely finds these days and secretly hope that it will disappear one day) watching a movie. Brandon is pointing out the characters for you and naming them, however, you call every man “daddy” and every woman “mama.” This new habit of yours is particularly funny when I take you out in public and you point at random men and say “Daddy!” Most of them scurry off in a hurry as if you were about to ask for a DNA sample and hand them an Order for Child Support.

Just know that even though your daddy and I complain, we love you very much. We were just a little out of practice with babies and we expected you to conform to our expectations. You made it very clear when you were less than a week old that expectations were not to be had with you. That’s okay. I can deal with non-conformity. Just don’t do anything hideously permanent, like a facial tattoo or those weird new earlobe piercings that stretch your earlobes larger and larger. Remember, once your earlobes are stretched, there’s no going back. And never get a tattoo where a judge can see it. Trust me.

So what are you doing at two years old? You are off and running. You love the vacuum cleaner, Elmo from Sesame Street and anything that an adult has an interest in. We’ve tried to distract you with toy phones, cell phones, keys and computers, but you’ll have none of it. You’re too smart for that. You know we’re trying to fool you and you’d much rather use our keys when you try to start an electrical outlet.

You are also creating lots of games to play. (See post “Mama . . . Pppphhhhtttbttt”) You also have discovered that if you throw food at Moose’s back and it catches in her fur you have a good several minutes of doggie entertainment. You’ve learned to unbuckle the seat belt holding your seat in the car, and that Mama has to pull over and fasten you back in. Now that’s a fun game! The game where we pretend to sleep and you wake us up is always fun and must be played repeatedly. It’s so vaguely similar to real life . . .

You like to put on other people’s shoes and walk around in them. I think you have a shoe fetish. You also like to play with belts and bags. Maybe it’s an accessory fetish. You attempt to dress yourself and picked out what you wanted to wear yesterday — a Hawaiian shirt, overalls and tennis shoes. You like to see the characters on your diapers and you especially get excited when you wear “Elmo pants” diapers.

All in all, it’s been a challenging two years, but you are so cute that sometimes I’m overcome by the cuteness and I forget that there are hand prints the color of Nutella on my walls and all my clothes have been used as tissues. See, God made two year olds so cute that parents forget all the trouble that kids can get into. Otherwise, the planet would be very sparsely populated as people would only have one kid because the work you create is mindboggling and people are crazy to have more than zero kids. The Bible says to obey mom and dad and you’ll live a long time, but I’m telling you, it should have been “Stay cute and your days will be long upon the earth.”


One Response

  1. You write so well. You should have gone into journalism or write your own book. I would be first in line to buy a copy.


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